11.29.11

So I almost already broke my new goal of posting once a month.  Although I'm not even entirely sure where the month of November went.  But here I am, ready for an update.  Since I last posted not too much has changed.  Too much school, not enough time.  While I was home, my mom and I put my gluten-free diet to a test.  I ate pizza, breakfast burritos with flour tortillas, and wheat bread and much to my dismay all of my symptoms returned.  This pretty much confirmed our suspicions of celiac disease.  I continue to try my best at cooking the best I can to this gluten free diet but it is not easy.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful holiday.  My uncle and my cousins came into town and fixed a wonderful meal for us so my mom could take a break.  My family has had so much to be thankful for this year.  Keith received yet another stable MRI.  We were particularly nervous for this one because it would be his first since being taken off of one of the chemos that he was on.  His doctors are cautiously optimistic and are hoping if he receives a few more stable MRIs that we will be able to give his body a break from all of his treatments all together.  We have put him through the wringer in the last 20 or so months.  We did so well keeping him healthy last winter but unfortunately with all his treatments his immune system just isn't the same.  He has picked up bronchitis and it is giving him hell.  My mom is cautiously watching over him like a hawk to make sure it doesn't turn into pneumonia.  Although he has the best care with my mom watching over him.

It's hard to believe that my 23rd birthday is just 2 days away.  I can't seem to keep track of time as it is just flying by.  I am looking forward to spending my birthday this year with my wonderful boyfriend and then the weekend at home in STL with him and my family.  I am sure that 23 is going to be a wonderful year.  I am hopeful that God will continue to bless my family and me in the coming year. I am definitely looking forward to the holidays and Christmas break.  A break from school for sure.  And some much needed time with my family.  Until next time. xox

10.20.11

To say that I am terrible at posting would be the understatement of the year. Although, I can't say that enough happens in my life to blog on a regular basis. Maybe I should set a new goal for at least once a month, thats an easy enough goal. ok, ready go.

Although my last few posts have had nothing to talk about except Cardinals baseball, I am happy to say that I survived the Springfield Cardinals Baseball Junior Associate Internship. I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am to have been given that opportunity and the people that it led me to meet. To my cardinals family, if you're reading this (not likely but still), I love you all and miss you on a daily basis. I was so incredibly blessed to have these people in my life.

I am also happy to report that for the NINTH month in a row, Keith's MRI has come back as the magic word of...STABLE. The joy that that brings me literally gives me goosebumps as I sit here and type this. We live in what we like to call a new normal. Sure he's tired, sure he doesn't feel great every single day, but he is here, with us and living each day to the fullest. I can't begin to explain how much strength and hope this man has. He is truly an inspiration to all of us and I am so lucky to have him in my life.

On a not so happy note, I have recently been on a roller coaster of events regarding my own health. In the past three months, I began working towards a healthier lifestyle. Working out on a continuous regular schedule, eating less fast food, eating healthier, getting enough sleep, all the right things. Yet, regardless of how much sleep I got or how many veggies I ate, I still felt terrible on a regular basis. Every single day I battled fatigue, muscle aches, stomach pains and just overall crappy health and was just lost as to what could possibly be wrong with me. Why was I doing all this work to be healthy if it just made me feel like crap?!? So after much discussion with my mom on my eating habits I decided to visit my doctor. After a various conversations, blood work, and tests, I was diagnosed with gluten intolerance or a disease known as celiac

Now many people are not even familiar with what gluten intolerance is. Well let me explain. Celiac Disease is a condition that damages your small intestine and prevents your body from absorbing necessary nutrients due to a toxic reaction to gluten. Gluten is found in everything from pasta to bread to beer to crackers to chips to cookies, well practically everything. Now to be properly diagnosed with Celiac, one must keep a thorough food journal and embark on a gluten-free lifestyle. If this resolves your symptoms, well Celiac is the cause to the misery. There is no known cause for Celiac or any medicine to treat it, just a gluten-free diet. So even though I was eating healthy and doing everything right, my body wasn't able to absorb the nutrients from it. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?

I have been gluten-free for the last two weeks and even though I am not at 100% yet, I am unhappily happy to report I am feeling better. Now don't get me wrong I am ecstatic to be feeling better but this is no easy task. It involves completely revamping the way that I eat. It's been quite the adventure and not always easy. It also includes taking out all of my favorite foods (pasta, pizza, BEER) out of my diet. Although, if it makes me feel better I will make the effort. Lucky for me, these days they have virtually gluten-free everything which most iof it tastes pretty darn good. Good luck to me.

Now if by chance you're still reading this, I'm going to say like every other person from STL on the web

GO CARDS! RALLY SQUIRREL!!

Okay, got that out of my system. I am going to go finish watching the Cardinals play the Rangers in Game 2 of the 2011 World Series. Even have a rally squirrel shirt for support. GO CARDS. Hope all is well with whomever is reading this. Love you all. xox

8.11.11

I guess after an almost 2 month long hiatus its time for an update. Although my life is rather monotonous, I figured anyone who reads this is bound to get tired of reading about cards game after cards game after cards game and I wish I had more to write about. But alas, I sit here and hope that time goes by slowly before its time to return to yet another game.

Summer is on its way out and I can't say that I am too terribly upset. I'm ready for fall, ready for school even, ready for cooler weather and an end to this blistering heat and sweaters and boots. This summer has definitely been an excellent one. Full of laughter and good times with good friends. Although, its hard to imagine life without seeing these people that I've come so accustomed to seeing every day. The news is telling me to stay inside because of the heat, so what do I do go work outside and these people have endured through it with me every step of the way. The break in the heat that we have right now is so glorious, a little peek for whats to come for fall.

This summer has been one I will never forget. I am feeling positive towards whats to come. There isn't much new going on. I am enjoying a relatively stress-free, definitely drama-free lifestyle. There are of course bumps in the road from time to time. But for now life is stable and I can't complain there. I'm back in a continuous work out schedule and living an all around healthy lifestyle. It's been a long time since I've truly just focused on myself and it is truly a great feeling. I really can say for once that I am content with where I am in my life.

‎"I prayed for peace and learned to accept otherwise unconditionally"

6.25.11

Even though its technically the 26th of June now. It still feels like the 25th. June 25th will be forever etched in my memory. Especially June 25th, 2010. The hardest day of my life. This day, one year ago, we received the news that Keith had been officially diagnosed with stage 4 glyioblastomic brain cancer. They gave him 6 months to live, look where we are a whole year later. This day one year ago changed my life forever.

It taught me to never take another day for granted. To enjoy each and every moment. To realize the little things in life. Because we seriously never know what tomorrow will bring. I am so close to being done with this homestand. T-minus 2 more games. This has been one exhausting homestand. Especially with the warm weather, our crowds are getting larger and larger. Seriously, I am exhausted. I cannot wait for a week of family time. Better yet, I can't wait to plan my parents coming to Springfield to see me! A year ago I was devastated, but today I am hopeful. Hopeful for the many years I know we have to come. But most of all, thankful that I have such a wonderful man such as my stepfather, Keith. I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving stepdad. So this day, here's to you Keith. I love you so much.

My favorite movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, is on right now. So that and my bed is where I am headed. Until next time, xox

"we must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ♥

6.23.11

Life has been busy busy busy lately. Halfway through an 8 game homestand. Is the end in sight? Heading home to STL is all I can think about lately. I feel like it has been forever since I've been able to get home and spend some quality time with my family. God continues to bless my family with the stability of Keith's cancer. I can only hope that it will continue for many more MRI's. I don't know how all of this is going to work out, but at least I know I have someone on my side.

"For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go" Psalms 91:11 ♥

As for the first half of the homestand, the Card's went 1-4. The pitching continues to struggle, especially against the Arkansas Travelers. The Travelers finished off the first half of the season in first place. Since everything is zeroed out now, I'm hoping the Cards can have a fresh start. Especially with Shelby Miller getting settled in here in Springfield. Hopefully we will get back on track.

My parents successfully made it to and from Mexico. It was good for them to get out of town for a few days. The doctors said they might as well travel while he's still healthy and they still can. As for me, people continue to amaze me. I couldn't be more blessed with the people I have in my life. Those who have stuck around as well as the new ones in my life. I find it funny as time wears on how peoples' true colors show through. As for me, I'm going to continue to live in the moment. Try to just focus on me, and be happy exactly where I am. Enjoy the little things in life. Which include lately: friends, summer, baseball, family, sunshine, and counting down the hours till I'll be home in STL for a little while. Until next time, xox.

‎"There's a point in your life when you know who stays forever & who's just around for a while."

6.13.11

Two updates in a row. Obviously I am home with some free time because this never happens. I'll make this short though. Today Keith received news that his MRI was once again stable. The magic word, stable. Thank you to everyone for all of your prayers, thoughts, kind words, and support. I would not be able to get through all of this without them. As for my parents, they are off to Mexico for some much needed relaxation while I head back to Springfield to work. Is this what being a grown up is like? Because if it is, I don't want to grow up, ever.

As for the sports world, the NBA finals are finally over. We can finally stop hearing constantly about the self-annoited King Lebron James. I do feel a tiny bit bad for him because for the next few months he will endlessly be the brunt of all kinds of jokes. My personal favorite so far, "The reason Lebron never went to college was because he knew he would fail the finals." He brought it on himself though if you ask me. Lebron averaged only 17.8 points during the Finals which is nearly 9 points less than his normal game average of 26.7 points.

Also, I am all for athletes giving credit to the Man upstairs but Lebron's tweet last night "The Greater Man upstairs knows when it's my time, right now just isn't the time" felt more like he was placing the blame for his lack luster performance during the Finals on God instead of himself. But who am I to judge right?

Besides, at the rate the sports industry is going we will have no football or basketball next season. I am keeping my fingers crossed that these execs figure out their differences and put an end to all this lockout talk. I just want to watch sports. Until next time. xox

6.12.11

So at times I feel as if my life is monotonous. I do the same things just about every day. Workout, cook, cardinals, hang out with friends. And then I got to thinking and realized just how beautiful that monotony is. Life is nothing short of beautiful lately. Filled with laughter, smiles, and tons of baseball. But there really isn't such a thing as too much baseball.

Ever wish your life turned out like a great 80s John Hughes movie? Because I know that I sure do. But I need to stop that, because by doing that I am missing all of the great little things that are happening right now in my life. I get to spend every day with people that I love, people that make me happy, working in a job where I have to watch sports. Could life get any better? Sure, there are things that could use a little tweaking but who am I to be selfish.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about being happy about the stability in my life. And it continues to prove itself to me. These past few weeks have really shown me how to be happy exactly where I am in life. To honestly do exactly what makes me happy. I have so many wonderful people in my life, I'd be silly to let it all pass me by. So much has changed in the last year. I've grown so much as person as life continues to test me.

I don't want things to change. Things are so good exactly where they are. So stable. Keith has an MRI tomorrow. So if you're reading this, we could use a little prayer shout out tomorrow. The prayers from everyone seem to be working so far as we quickly approach one year since his battle with cancer began. So keep them coming!! :) I will continue to remain positive that we will get good results from his MRI tomorrow. And if we don't, I know that we will never stop fighting this battle against cancer.

As for the Springfield Cardinals, they continue their fight back towards .500. They went 3-5 in this last series with the Tulsa Drillers including a double header, #1 prospect Shelby Miller's home debut, a walk off win from Steven Hill, and the first cycle ever in the franchise history by Domnit Bolivar. Talk about a packed homestand. The Cards put up quite a fight against the Drillers as all games were a constant see saw battle for the win. I thought for sure we had the last game in the bag till a series of bad calls from the umps made it hard to recover. Although, in baseball, there is always next time. The Cards are back on the road for the next week before we start another long 8 game homestand.

Do me a favor. Shoot my family a little prayer tomorrow. They are always greatly appreciated and obviously working. The battle continues to march towards one year since we got the devastating news that Keith had cancer. One year, can you believe it? Because I sure can't. It has flown by. Until next time. xox

"I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life. "

5.30.11

I realize it's been awhile since I last blogged. Things have been much of the same. Cardinals = my entire summer. My new roommate, Jordan has moved in and we have been having a blast. It's so nice having someone to live with that is so fun to be around. This new chapter in my life seems to be such a roller coaster. But it is so refreshing. I am so looking forward to what this summer will consist of.

Jordan works at the Cardinals with me so we spend alot of time together. But it just seems to make things more fun. We seem to like the same things, and think the same so i am excited to see what the next year has to hold. But until then, I am going to just enjoy this life I have been given. All of the interns seem to becoming better friends. Not everyone is including themselves but a lot of us have started doing stuff outside of work. I am so happy to be making new friends and having so much fun. We almost always try to do something after the game or on our days off.

It seems that in the light of all the saddness of the Joplin tornadoes, there is still hope. This rainbow popped up after it poured rain on us at the game on Thursday. It's the little things in life that matter most. As of right now, I don't have much going on besides Cardinals. Keith has another treatment tomorrow, and starts chemo again on Friday. But I miss my family, I hate being away from them. But I will continue to figure it out. Until next time. xox

5.9.11

It's been a little while since I updated this. My life has fallen into a serious routine. School, Cardinals, Sleep, School, Cardinals, Sleep, rinse and repeat. Hopefully once summer comes, the intensity of this internship won't seem so large. With finals upon all of us still in school, I can almost guarantee I am not the only one struggling to find the needed focus for all the studying I need to do. I am choosing instead to update this.

Missouri seems to be plagued with rain lately. Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. It will be gorgeous for 2 or 3 days (insert the last few days of gorgeous sun) and then the downpour will return. The last homestead of Cardinals game was 8 games long, an eternity at best. 7 of 8 games had rain delays, 2 of which ended up being completely rained out and cancelled, a double header with a 2 hour rain delay, and an exhausting week of late nights and too much rain at the ball park. But regardless of how tired I was, I enjoy being there. Definitely a good sign that I am doing what I really want to be doing.

About a week ago, Keith had another scan just to make sure his treatments continue to work. So the MRI showed no change, or that his cancer is stable for now. Kind of goes along with the saying "no news is good news". We continue to be happy with the results of stable. Now this doesn't mean that his cancer is gone, it just means that the treatments he's doing are keeping the cancer from spreading anywhere else.

Keith is on a tumor starving or "anti-angiogenic" therapy called Avastin. Every 2 weeks, my parents go down to the cancer center and they hook him up to a machine that delivers this cancer fighting medicine. It is very similar to chemotherapy, except that its not chemo. Chemotherapy attacks all cells and cannot distinguish between the good and the bad cells in a person's body. Thus the reason behind the hair loss, extreme fatigue, nausea, and many other terrible side effects of chemo. Anti-angiogenic therapies attack the blood supply of the tumor and cut it off completely, starving the tumor of the necessary blood to grow larger and spread.

The hope is eventually this treatment will completely kill off the tumor. We are still awaiting this result but like I said will continue to be happy with the result of stable. We continue to be happy about the results of treatment and live each day and enjoy it as much as possible. I try to wake up and put a smile on my face every day knowing that we are simply blessed to have it. There are so many terrible things happening all over the world that sometimes we lose sight of what it is to truly be happy. Even through the hard times, I encourage everyone to put a smile on their face and just figure it out as they go along. It's not always easy, but it seems to be working for me.

As much as I enjoy writing this blog and delaying my studying, it is time for me to do so before another sure to be fun and adventure filled evening with the Cardinals. Happy studying to all.

"‎"If you don't get happy where you are, you will never get to where you want to be." ♥

4.23.11

Easter is a time that we should all reflect on our lives and be thankful for what we have. Thankful for what has been given up for us. Tonight, we went to Easter service at our church. Because of Keith's leg deficit from his surgery, normally we ask to be seated places before everyone else. This is so that no one trips him or he feels hurried. We don't ask for special treatment, just for people to help us out a little. But today, when we walked passed some people in line, an older man with a cane rolled his eyes and muttered something about his handicap "not being good enough to go to the front of the line". Oh man, did that touch a nerve. How dare he criticize Keith, he had no idea what Keith has been through. I took a step back though and decided I really have no clue what is going on in life. I bit my tongue and decided to instead pray for him and the return of his happiness.

Easter is a time for family, for rejoicing, and being thankful for what we have. I can't believe my time at home is already coming to an end. They say things get easier with time but its been 4 years that I've been going away to college and its not any easier to leave home than it was when I was a freshman. Its also been a year since we started this battle with cancer, and it's not any easier now then the day we found out. I guess out of all of this I just hope that everyone will be thankful for what they have every single day. Not just holidays such as Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter. I believe that God has a plan for my life, and that I should not argue with what happens. So I leave you with this:

faith

 –noun

1.

confidence or trust in a person or thing

2.

belief that is not based on proof

3.

belief in god or in the doctrines or teachings of religion

Χριστός ανέστη

(Christ is Risen)

4.22.11

‎"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

At times, I look back at my life and wonder how the heck I got here. Life is incredibly unpredictable and I never thought that this is where I would end up. The last year of my life has undecidedly been the hardest year of my 22 years yet.

On March 21, 2010 my stepdad, Keith, suffered a grand mal seizure in the Mexico airport. We then proceeded to go on a roller coaster of events that consisted of 16 hours of brain surgery, chemo, radiation, more chemo, and an everlasting fight for my stepdad's life. I couldn't be more blessed to have him in my life and we will continue to fight every day until we beat this cancer.

At times, I found myself angry that my family had been dealt these cards. I didn't quite understand how it happened. But then I remembered that everything happens for a reason and throughout it all at least I still have my faith. Couldn't have made it through this without it. My family is beautiful in every single way. I am so blessed to have the people that I do in my life.

I do have so many wonderful things and people in my life to be thankful for. There are so many opportunities in my life and so many more to come that there is no way to know how this life will work out. I am interning with the Springfield Cardinals this summer, so they pretty much run my days. I wouldn't have any other way. It only further reassures me that I picked the right major and this is exactly what I want to do with my life.

"The more you survive, the more you're able to not let the hurt turn into hate." ♥

Stay tuned for the rest of what is sure to be a crazy summer and what all the ballpark has in store for me.

‎